Wednesday, January 7, 2009

The future's so bright, i gotta wear 3-D shades.

I went and saw Bolt the other night and now i will only watch movies if they require that i wear a set of 3-D glasses. Seriously, the shit was ridiculous. I'd never seen a movie in 3-D before through fear of it being shit and my eyes not being able to adjust properly, forcing me to watch the rest of the film in shades of red and blue. Not this time you assholes. The glasses that you get before the movie starts are just as stylish as wayfarers only less played out, and the lenses are clear film as opposed to the tacky red and blue paper pieces of shit that one expects when seeing a movie in 3-D. Then, just to whet the appetite a little, all the previews are played in 3-D for movies that are going to come out in exactly that format. Being stoned didn't (did) help either. I was reaching out to touch shit, and constantly turning around for approval from the rest of the audience, who seemed to be in some kind of trance due to what they were going through at the time.

Then the movie started and my jaw dropped so hard that the person next to me had to pick it up and say "excuse me sir, i found your jaw on the floor" to which i replied, "shut up, i'm trying to experience the third dimension here". There's a chase scene and some bad guys and you sit there thinking, "wow, i'm an idiot for ever thinking The Incredibles was graphically impressive". Grass looks so good you want to eat it, food looks so good you want to lay in it and the way Bolt's fur gently reacts to a light breeze is enough to end conflict in Israel. I actually had to take the glasses off a few times just to convince myself that i wasn't in the movie as well. Then i realised that if i was in the movie i would have just sat there admiring the grass and trying to touch stuff that isn't there. Oh yeah, there's an Ice Age 3 preview as well that looked retarded. I haven't seen any of the Ice Age films but you can bet i'm going to start at number 3 and never look back.

This movie is perfect in every way and shits on all the other 3D talking animal films that i refuse to see because of how thrashed they are these days. However, if those films are re-released in Kodak 3-D and require the use of glasses, i'll be first in line looking all better than everyone else because i've already got the glasses for it.


Scagnetti said...

If this post had an acronym it would be LOL.

Me said...

I had to look up the word acronym just then.