Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Don't mid life crisis and drive.

So i was driving around this afternoon, listening to Max B's brand of talking about expensive designer shades over beats and minding my own business when i pull up at a red light. Now you'd think this was a pretty standard exercise with little to no room for error.
You'd think wrong as well.
Having gotten comfortable in what i thought would be a textbook 2-3 minute red light quarantine, i was pleasantly surprised to see the light go green after about 45 seconds. Slightly startled by this turn of events, my reaction time between the light change and leaving the spot of quarantine suffered a 3 millisecond delay. Now, to a normal human being this is an excusable margin of error possibly even invisible to the naked eye, but if you are going bald, drive a convertible penis extension and are halfway to your life expiry date, this is the equivalent of raping a child at an anti-rape protest.

Needless to say, Mr. mid-life is going absolutely insane at this point in time. Beeping his horn, shaking his head and just being honestly upset. I'm normally a pretty tolerant human being, but this inexcusable behaviour called for a response. Instead of accelerating, i stayed where i was, turned around so that i was facing his round little head, clenched my fists and put them both to my eyes and made the childish, but always effective 'you're a large crybaby' hand gesture. It worked much better than what i thought. Mid-life was pissed and proceeded to make a careless lane change in an attempt to pass me, which ironically caused everyone in that lane to beep at him.
I then left the quarantine area, started driving at a comfortable speed and once i was in line with him again i stared straight ahead and started playing with my hair, scratching it and wrapping it around my fingertips to let him know that he was indeed 50 years old and i was not.
This angered him so much that he sped into the back of a removal truck and all these wigs fell out of the truck onto his bonnet and he started sobbing.
I then did ten or eleven (i wasn't counting) reverse donuts and fled the scene laughing my ass off.

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