Tuesday, March 17, 2009

People that hang around at parties and do the dishes for props piss me off.

Women, you're ok. Dishes are your specialty.
But if there are any men that hang around until the end of the party to do the dishes, you need to submit your balls to the nearest garbage depository and call it a day.
First of all, you're messing with the basic itinerary of a party. You are a guest, therefore it is tradition that you sit there, eat hamburgers, drink beer and make derogatory comments about women, animals, your digestive process and the digestive processes of others, lying politicians, lesser men and gays. The rule here is: In exchange for your compliance and entertainment, the host of the party gets to talk about how good a host they were for the next year. Their claims of excellence will include the fact that they kept their guests intoxicated, fed them a nice meal incorporating the five food groups and pavlova and DID THE DISHES AT THE END OF IT, possibly yapping on about the private lives of their guests in a constructively criticizing but totally bitchy manner whilst doing so.

We all know why you do the dishes as well. You want everyone to see how much of a nice guy you are. You think that maybe if everyone sees how handy you are to have around the house, maybe that girl that just broke up with her boyfriend will sidle up next to you and start drying said dishes, breaking the ice for some meaningful conversation and a possible chance at intercourse. Tell me i'm wrong.
Problem is though, that girl thinks you're a bitch. She left half an hour ago with the drunk guy wreaking of burgers because you were inside doing the dishes as if you were getting paid for it.

In fact, she is probably getting pumped right now as you scrub those bowls.

No-one is going to remember you, the hosts are upset because they can't claim back all of their duties on prop insurance and you ruined the party with you pious, do-gooder, goody-two-shoes approach to life.

I hope you drown in detergent one day. I'm not sure how it will happen, but it will be ironic and it will teach you a lesson.

3 comments:

. said...

Sup Ben

If you are bored check this blog.. insane

http://youwillsoon.blogspot.com

-karma

Scagnetti said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Scagnetti said...

I found out about that interview that magazine did with you the other day. I liked the part that went

"How does it feel that people enjoy your blog so much they will willingly advertise in your comments section?"







These people really are 'Dish Pigs'