First ever official photos of the Playstation 4 that no one else has yet.

When the PS4 was announced at this year’s E3 conference it signaled the first drips of an imminent pissing contest between Sony and Microsoft over who would announce, reveal and release their consoles first, and of course, gamers all over the world reveled in catching every last drop of the leaks that would follow. Unfortunately Sony left out a fairly crucial detail during the announcement, that being an image of the console, or more specifically, proof that it actually exists.

And obviously it does exist, but when you’re dealing with a generation of gamers whose primal reaction to anything is to criticize first and ask questions later, Sony’s PS4 may as well not exist until we see it in .jpg format at the very least. At best, Sony’s PS4 ‘announcement’ was the equivalent of Ferrari holding a press conference for some totally sweet and fast sports car that’s coming out, waiting for all the journalists and billionaires to take their seats and starting the announcement with “ok, so this car is going to be totally sweet and super fast and it’s going to cost about a zillion dollars. Umm, we don’t have a picture of it yet and we have no idea if it looks cool or resembles a hemorrhoid on wheels but we swear you’re going to want it real bad and it’s going to change the way you look at cars forever.  We accept cash and direct bank transfers.”

And of course the billionaires are still going to buy it because it’s a new thing they can have, much like we’re all still going to buy the PS4 because it’s a new console and has more entertainment value than some stupid sports car.

Following the un-announcement of the new PS4, Microsoft chimed in as we all knew they would to announce the announcement of their new console, the aptly named ‘Xbox 720-or-whatever-it’s-called’. Sony’s piss stream weakened significantly as Microsoft blasted their fanbase with very little information aside from a date and a protracted waiting period for said date. The pissing contest seemed to be in full swing with both companies keeping their information bladders secure enough to not let it all fly out, but just enough to dribble down to their customers and keep them begging for more. 

Then, everything changed this morning when Sony decided to announce another announcement – The First Ever Picture Of The New Console They Announced Over a Month Ago Video.

*PSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS*

What better way to preview the first ever visual of the PS4 with some visuals of the PS4, right?

Wrong. You done goofed, Sony.

You could’ve spared us the clichéd hype video full of blurry images and super quick flashes of your new hardware and just shown us what we’d ultimately be spending our $900 on this coming Christmas, but once again you had to piss just that little bit further because Microsoft started pissing as well. What you don’t realize is that some of us are a little craftier than others and have access to state-of-the-art image manipulation software capable of turning your little pissing contest into a big yellow whitewash, and I am one of those people. With a little help from the 'pause' function on Youtube, some sleight of hand and a fairly current copy of Adobe Photoshop CS6, I have single-handedly wiped the sweat from the collective brow of anxious Sony loyalists worldwide and constructed the first known photo of Sony's worst kept secret.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the very first image of Sony’s next generation hardware, the Playstation 4:

As promised, the PS4 is a seriously futuristic-looking piece of gaming hardware. It's smooth edges, seemingly infinite ports and hubs and the fact that it has lazer eyes immediately stir conflicting reactions of next-gen euphoria and the SkyNet apocalypse, suggesting that you not only need the PS4, but you also might not want to be in the same room as it. The PS4 (above) also looks like it's going to be extremely hard to use, with no visible blu-ray entry point, a seemingly non-existant power button and of course the lazer eyes, which may prove as more of a design flaw than a preview of the future.

Regardless of initial impressions I have no doubt that the PS4 will prove a worthy adversary to Microsoft's equally anticipated console announcement and while Sony may have unknowingly revealed their big surprise with a poorly planned announcement video, the piss streams won't settle until both companies have liberated their bladders just in time for Christmas.

Is Nicholas Van Orton the first 'fuckboy'?

*This post is dedicated to my crazy friend Ash. I may not have even noticed this if it weren't for his very timely adoption of the term and the great times we've had using it in context. :)

Ok so let me begin with a brief classification of the derogatory adjective Fuckboy.

Urban Dictionary defines fuckboy as: The worst insult to a male, basically callin' him a bitch or pussyboy but not in those words. You should be ready to fight after being insulted like that. It originated in the south. 

Whilst the Southern origins of the term are logistically impossible to trace, popular rap glossary rapdict.org also observes that: The term "Fuck Boy" originates from Atlanta, GA. It is used to mean a weak man who can't get right. It can also be used as a derogatory term against one's enemies.

To summarize, fuckboys are highly unsavory characters who pose an immediate threat to the comfort of those around them, either through a lack of knowledge in any relevant field or an overt passion for ruining things that were great before they became associated with them. Fuckboys can also be classified by their obvious inability to not be fuckboys.

Not taking this particular post into account, the term fuckboy has been loosely defined and found recent notoriety through the audible medium of gangster rap and the thousands of forums and blogs that celebrate gangster rap as a medium and a lifestyle. Many gangster rappers have adopted the term to call out other gangster rappers as a means of questioning their mettle and subsequently inciting a response from their target; a response that will more often than not contain the word fuckboy.

I've included an example of the term being utilized in it's essence from a track titled 'Summer's Mine' by gangster rap artist Rick Ross. The track was released as a supposed response to a diss from fellow gangster rapper Young Jeezy, a diss I can only assume contained the word fuckboy as well:

The conviction in Ross' voice when using the term illustrates how passionately he wants Young Jeezy to believe he is, in actual fact, a fuckboy.

For interests sake please find an example of the term's prevalence resulting from a basic Google search below:

Note the versatility of the term as it is used in multiple contexts to similar effect.

Now before I continue I would like to formally state that Michael Douglas is not a fuckboy. He is so far from being a fuckboy that he could almost be classified as the complete opposite, which I guess would be an Abstinentgirl. Yet I digress, What does Michael Douglas have to do with a derogatory term rarely seen outside the realms of gangster rap and the channels through which it is discussed?

Everything, actually.

Not only is Michael Douglas' association with the term greater than that of any recording artist or message board member past or present, he may just be (unknowingly) responsible for the term's inauguration and in turn, I might personally be responsible for liberating an example of the term that predates any use of it by anyone, be it either inside or outside the state of Atlanta, GA.

I came across this revelation through a chance second viewing of the critically acclaimed 1997 Thriller The Game. In the film Michael Douglas plays Nicholas Van Orton, a successful stockbroker (or something) who is clearly bored by his wealth and also affected by the death of his father via suicide on Nicholas' birthday. Concerned about his brother's well-being and the lack of excitement in his affluent existence, Nicholas' brother Conrad (played convincingly by a young-looking Sean Penn) gives him a very special birthday gift in the form of a reality stimulation voucher from a company called 'Consumer Recreation Services'. Shitstorms follow and Michael realises that 'The Game' kind of sucks because he almost gets killed a couple of times but also that it's pretty cool because it made his life more exciting or whatever.

Plot synopsis aside, I did a double take during a scene known as 'Flourescent Graffiti' in which Nicholas returns home to find his mansion has been trashed and some rascals have done heaps of glow in the dark graffiti inside it. Here's the scene, starting at the 5:06 mark:

Did you see it?

Make no mistake, this scene is the defining moment in which Nicholas Van Orton is publicly lauded as the world's very first fuckboy. It was difficult to take the rest of the film seriously from this point on as I struggled to grasp the immense implications of my discovery and as a result the rest of the film played out like this:

And that, Ladies and Gentlemen, is how Nicholas Van Orton became the first ever fuckboy at the hands of the little assholes that tagged his house up in the movie The Game. I hope I've helped to shed some light on this very powerful topic and I invite you to conduct your own research regarding the origin of the term; even though my case is concrete and completely indisputable, perhaps somewhere out there in the furthest reaches of time and space and movies, you can find the very first fuckboy.

:)

The iPhone 5: You're going to use it a lot.

This morning I woke up and checked my Facebook and people were hyping the shit out of the iPhone 5. I didn't even know the iPhone 5 was ready yet but then I realized it's been about 15 minutes since the iPhone 4 came out so we're obviously due for a new one. I've gone to the liberty of editing Apple's spec sheet because it didn't read very well and made me feel like I was being sold something I already had by a team of youth co-ordinators. 

 

'She showing the tattoo'

If you have an Instagram account chances are you're one of the 2.6 million people following successful female pop artist, Rihanna. Like many other celebrity Instagram accounts, Rihanna's online presence gives her followers the opportunity to see what she's up to without them having to resort to the old ladder and binoculars methods of yonder. Most celebrity Instagram feeds are filled with the same mundane content; including safe photos of heavily accessorized pets, totally sweet organic juice bars, crooked horizons, over-edited selfies, entry level motivational posters and organized collections of possessions the likes of which we'll never come to possess.

Badgalriri, however, tends to reside on the outskirts of the predictable Hollywood brand of social networking and has employed a much more personal approach, giving her peanut gallery of Instagram addicts a very personal insight into her daily life with a regularly updated feed that advertises the life of a hugely successful female artist with the world at her feet and simultaneously broadcasts the struggles of a young woman emotionally cracked under the monolithic weight of fame and worldwide adoration.

A couple of days a go Rihanna took to Instagram with an ode to her late grandmother. The image shows two shots, one of a tender moment between herself and her grandmother and the other, a photo of a new tattoo in dedication to her recent loss. Now, I'm not a fan of Rihanna's music at all; I can name two of her songs and probably mispronounce a third one if you put me on the spot. I am on the other hand, a fan of her genuine realness and constant abrasion to the cliched, tragic-but-not-too-tragic female pop goddess stereotype, which is obviously why I'm following her on Instagram. With that said, I was able to identify the meaning and significance of the above image within seconds of scrolling across it, not just because of it's blatant clarity, but also because of the fact she'd posted a borderline NSFW photo of the new tattoo not hours prior. Assuming Rihanna's astronomical fan-base had been following her for the short period of time between the posting of these two photos (a safe assumption considering she's had more than 2 million followers for longer than a few hours), one could only believe that they, being far more dedicated fans than I am, would understand the image accordingly right?

Perhaps not...
That's ok though, maybe missrekik is part of that minute percentage of fans who began following Rihanna inside the timeframe between the first post of the tattoo and.......the second post of the tattoo. Missrekik's enquiry was the most coherent of the thousands that appeared within moments of the post so I began checking intermittently to make sure that someone would clarify the image for her so she could get on with her day.

 

Whoa, whoa! Hold up now! Not only did missrekik have her confusion put to rest by one thoughtful follower, she had her expectations smashed by four consecutive clarity bombs all dropped within nanoseconds of eachother! All is well and it seems and we can all get back to our jobs and families and life outside of Rihanna's Instagram profile.

Then it began:

Yep we got it, thanks again for clear.....

Ok, if you'd just look up we can contin........

Well, it's not so much that we're fucking idiots. It's more that we already know it's the......

Oh for fuc.....

 

Yes! You are getting it! You just explained exactly what's happening!

Wow.

Holy crap! Does kensington_xoxo have something to do with solving intricate instagram mysteries?

Yelling doesn't work either.

Yes she has. Remember the photo she posted showing the new tat she got dedicated to her grandma? Check that one out!

Yaaaay!!

A wild _gingercunt appears!

...........A wild thund3rpussy appears!

 

24 hours and ten thousand explanations later apexradio doesn't know wtf that lower pic is supposed to be and RIHANNA is the zooted one? WOW WOW WOW WOW!

 

  

I'd never seen anything like it before and I couldn't look away. What began as a touching tribute between two people, a tribute of spiritual implications that go beyond anything that can be processed by a camera phone, had suddenly turned into an internationally adopted game of Lets All Say The Same Thing At The Same Damn Time.

Granted the phenomenon is probably nothing more than a bunch of people posting at the same time on a profile that gets thousands of views a second, but imagine if someone not previously familiar with Instagram and it's inner workings came across this type of fuckery? In hundreds of years time when future archeologists are researching our history, I pray for their sake that they don't find this.

I also hope that they aren't made aware of one charashepard, whose contributions to the open forum associated with Rihanna's post include the following:

 

Charashepard: Mother, entrepreneur, business owner and, whenever she gets a spare 5 hours, highly unstable Instagram user and Rihanna fan.

smh.