Saturday, June 13, 2009

I'm just going to the ladies room for a photoshoot.

We're all guilty of a little location advertisement for the betterment of our internet profiles, i'll be the first to admit that. Taking photos of you and your friends to post on the internet is certainly not a crime and a nice way of showing your friends and family what you've been up to, who you associate yourself with and the location at which you were associating with them at.

Having lost a slight interest the two only social networking sites in the whole universe (Facebook and Myspace, there aren't any others) my interest in location updating and friend management followed to the point where i only use either sites to inform people of blog updates as opposed to what i did every single day of this year and who i did it with and who was checking my page and who wasn't commenting me back and who was on the friend request pending list and how my top 8 friend ladder reflected my relationships with those people in real life and who had the hottest profile pics and layout and who was quitting and who was coming back and who could we diss for saying they were going to delete their account and then totally fold and start a new one and then it would confuse everyone and you'd have to spend like, a whole hour sending out all the friend requests when in the back of your mind you knew you shouldn't have deleted your account in the first place. It was only inevitable that i got bored of it all and the trend of not giving a shit about your online life slowly spread to all corners of the internet.

Sleep easy though, for as of last night i witnessed first hand that cam-whoring is still alive and kicking and is even facing a possible resurgence thanks to dedicated groups of girls and their cheap digital/phone cameras. I'm talking about girls whose sole purpose of a night out is not to drink, dance or mate but instead to come home with a full wallet, an empty memory card and a fucking brand spanking new album to slap up on facebook the next day in complete chronological order with dates and everything. You'd seriously think they were receiving some form of facebook income the way their shit is organized.

And it's not even the albums that upset me. If you want to archive your photo albums in alphabetical order with all the correct tags and dates then so be it, there's only so many empty comments from lurkers and potential rapists that you'll receive before you realise there's more to life and you decide to move on to bigger and better things. What does upset me is when i'm walking through the club contracting epilepsy from your little couch photoshoots when all i want to do is stumble around and talk shit to people that i only see whenever i go out. Who buys a row of $20 cocktails only to take twenty thousand photos with them and then leave them at the bar?

Then there's the frustration i get from the witnessing the whole "that one was no good, let's try again" scenario. Fair enough, if someone fucks up a photo by looking uncomfortable when the flash goes off by all means take another one. I swear last night I saw two girls sitting in the same spot for half an hour taking photos of themselves, pouring over them, deleting them, adjusting their hair and pouts, re-taking the photos and repeating the process at least eight times over, all whilst about twenty dudes and no chicks rubbed up against eachother on the dancefloor. And for what? Your facebook update the next day? You know, if you spent less time taking photos of yourself at the bar and more time interacting with people of the opposite sex you could possibly end up with a boyfriend? Heck! You might even one day be able to tick the fabled 'in a relationship' box on your facebook status and be the envy of all your girlfriends! Then you wouldn't have to worry about taking photos at the bar anymore because the guys you were trying to impress on your facebook account suddenly don't matter so much because you met a guy at the bar through not taking photos at the bar for your facebook account! I'm a motherfucking genius!

You gals are really hurting the small bar industry as well as many others as well. You see, bars thrive on drink sales. If you don't drink and spend your evening in the bathrooms taking photos of yourselves pretending to shit (which isn't a good look by the way), the bar doesn't make any money. If you don't get drunk and drift around the venue tripping over your heels and yawning, guys won't think they can get with you and they'll stop going to that venue because they think it's the venue's fault that they can't score. If you don't drink, you're putting the entire birth control industry on hold as well as human evolution as a whole. Why are you doing that? Stop it.

So ladies, put the cameras away, have a drink, unwind, socialise with males and quit living your saturday night through a viewfinder. After all, you don't want to roll up to your school reunions in five years time surrounded by hot and successful pregnant women with nothing to show but a weathered Sony Cybershot and a Photobucket address.


Michelle said...

hell yeah! fuckin bimbos.

Seymour Scagnetti said...

Is there not a law against photography in public toilets?