Wednesday, June 24, 2009're a towel.

If waiting was a spectator sport, watching me would be like watching the Orlando Magic in the 2009 NBA finals. Heart at the start, holding tight, maintaining little battler status against all odds, back to the wall and then by the end, a bumbling fucking mess. Failure in the face of overwhelming odds dictated by myself and a passion for being impatient. It's like war, there are no winners in waiting, only waiters, and you know what a waiter does? He stands there and waits until he is useful and when the time comes, he hates you for making him wait so long even though it's not only the title of his position, but also the definition of his occupation.

I could never be a waiter but right now i may as well be doing work experience for a spot at that turbo lame 360 revolving restaurant in the city. Who goes to a restaurant to revolve anyway? If i go to a restaurant, i eat. I don't want to pay extra so i can spin around and see how barren my hometown is.

It's been almost two weeks now since i sent my xbox 360 to god knows where it goes to get fixed and i am at the end of wit lane in patience town. I've learned a-lot in that almost two weeks and it's gotten to the point where it's not even about the xbox anymore. It's deeper than that. I feel like i've grown spiritually and i've learned something that i secretly knew i always knew all along.

I absolutely HATE waiting.

I am impatient. I want everything now and i will complain from a proposal's inception to it's conclusion because A) it keeps me occupied in between and B) i seriously don't know any better. This is a problem because it seems that waiting is going to be a part of my life forever. Here are some examples of times where i've had to wait and have nearly doored myself to deal with it.

* Waiting for someone to get out of the car when i'm already out of it.

* Waiting for a McDonald's order to be processed. Specifically the time between the announcement of the last item to the employees announcement of the cost so i can drive to the window. I feel impolite if i drive through before the price has been announced which sucks because i'd choose being polite and waiting that excrutiating extra second over being impolite and being at the first window quicker.

* Waiting for people at the ATM. Adults especially. This morning for example, I had a girl turn around to me twice whilst i waited for her to make a withdrawl because she couldn't figure out the difference between a cash transaction and the resulting balance display on screen or in paper form. The first time i was ok with it because she looked like an idiot but the second time i just looked away until she stopped talking. Had she done it a third time, i probably would have jammed one of her fingers into the cash dispenser and read her balance without permission.

* Lifts. I would donate half my weekly wage every week if it meant i didn't have to deal with Mr. stinky breath and Ms. Congeinality inside that metal cube for more than one second at a time. I once tried to say something on a lift to break the ice and everyone sshhh'd me and pointed to a sign that said "Don't talk on the lift, it's meant to be awkward".

* Old people making decisions on the road. If you've been alive for five times as long as i have you have two options. Be five times better than me at driving and any decision making required as a result of said driving or don't even look at a car unless it's on a television screen from the safety of that chair you always like to sit on.

* My xbox 360. Don't get me started. Actually, aside from the whole increase in social productivity, something good has come from not having an xbox. Health? Nah. Less headaches? Not even close. Increased efficiency at everything? Yeah, but that's a given at any given point in my life.
No. I'm talking about something so mindblowing that i almost banned myself from enjoying it because i didn't enjoy it when it was first introduced to me. Namely, Dragon Quest 8.
When i tell people that i'm playing a game called Dragon Quest 8 their initial reaction is to never hang out with me again. However, while i'm chasing them down the street and telling them all about the game and how much of a shame it is that it signalled the death of the Playstation 2, they want to be friends with me again. It's seriously that good.
Here's a picture:

"But, guy who writes this blog, how can you handle such an awesome looking game and all the quests that lay within it?" i hear you collectively enquire.

It's simple, i just can.

I mean, sometimes it gets difficult coming to terms with the quality of the fully orchestrated soundtrack and the gentle but challenging learning curve and the absolutely gorgeous cel-shaded graphics all at the same time but when you've become an expert at waiting for your xbox 360 and your laptop to be fixed and returned to you, anything's possible. I've totally forgotten the point i was trying to make in this post as well. It was going to eventuate to the systematic break down of a huge conspiracy theory and something about waiting but i don't even care about that anymore. I'm going to play Dragon Quest 8 and virtually wait for some virtual monsters to battle because it's marginally more exciting than waiting for anything in real life.

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