Saturday, April 25, 2009

What happened?

After i cleaned the vomit from in between the keys on my laptop, i forced myself to come to terms with skateboarding's exciting new direction. Because this is actually a pro model shoe from a well-known skateboarder.

I'm sorry. I normally have a really open mind when it comes to trends or changes in climate. But this. This is flaming.

Here's why:

That's not even all the highlights. Microsoft Paint closed itself halfway through my research. I tried to open it again and a blue screen alert came up saying:

"A fatal error occurred when when this shoe was released to the public. Please delete browsing history and any indication or trace of this shoe's existence on this particular server. Windows is currently calculating whether or not you'll ever have sex again, it may take a moment".

I checked a couple of magazines and message boards to see if this was a joke or clever marketing ploy by Gravis (if you aren't familiar with Gravis, they used to make hiking boots, reef shoes and stylish alternatives to those duck-billed jock pumps) but i couldn't find any humour or underlying sarcasm.

I can't accept this. I was ok when skateboarding traded hip-hop, baggy jeans and shoes with laces for folk music, american apparel and shoes without laces. I didn't even mind that much when 40% of the tricks that used to feature in everyone's favourite videos became unacceptable to perform because Jake Phelps or -insert over-opinionated washed up skateboarder who now critics for a living- said so. Change is inevitable, life would be stale witout it, but this isn't change.
This is a leather dildo with a hole in it.

Please skateboarding, take a deep breath, remember where you came from and stop letting impressionable teenagers design your footwear.

If you can skate and then go straight to ballet lessons whilst wearing the same shoe, you need to go back to the drawing board, the drawing board of life.

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