Tuesday, July 15, 2008

The scariest movie ever made.

My beef with video game to movie conversions has been put aside for the time being after i witnessed the best playstation game adaptation i have ever seen on a television screen. Any of you that are familiar with the Silent Hill series will know that if you play it for more than five minutes by yourself you will end up in a straight jacket with piss stains all over the front of your pants from how frightening the experience is. I have played through chapters 1-4 of the series and i can assure you that nothing scares me anymore. Nothing but this movie of course.

The first ten minutes of the movie pays homage to the first ten minutes of the game itself with the exact same camera angles, sounds and ghoulishness, all being used to great effect. The plot follows some concerned lady trying to find a cure for her daughter who is currently sleepwalking and having visions that would scare Charles Manson himself.
Here are a couple of things i spotted whilst watching this nasty piece of work:

- Scary little girls (way scarier than Samara of 'The Ring' fame.)
- Hot female police officers being barbecued alive.
- Ugly female citizens getting their entire coat of skin ripped off in one fell swoop by a guy with a big metal pyramid for a head and the biggest sword ever allowed by a blockbuster movie budget.
- The scariest/hottest nurses you will ever see cutting eachother with scalpels whilst their bones crack with every movement they make.
- Religion.
- Barbwire genocide inside a church.
- The scariest music ever.
- Sirens that kindly let you know when a scary bit is coming up, even though the sirens themselves are the scariest part of the movie.

I tried to turn it off when things took a turn for the worse but was too horrified to venture within a one metre radius of the screen or anywhere else in the house for that matter. If i wanted, i could charge this movie for assault and witchery without consent.
Here is a picture.
*Warning, this review contains spoilers.

1 comment:

Brad said...


Wholly shit I saw the new Batman movie and it is FUCKED UP good. Please view it and review it and make more people see it.

Fuck I just want to talk to you about how bad ass the entire movie was.