Monday, September 15, 2008

Curb-post-pedestrian-post-car-curb. Repeat.

I'm not going to lie, i've been seriously stressing out about the lack of updating i've been doing on my blog. I've been waking up in cold sweats, freaking out in public places and not caring at all. To be honest though, fuck all has been happening and i'm almost content with the state of the universe at the moment. I'm pretty close to completing Bioshock and I still have Halo 2 and 3 to run through, plus, i haven't even gone online with them shits yet. I went online with Mike Carroll's skateboarding game the other night and ended up competing against some anus by the name of 'BaM PuNkoR' or some shit. The guy was not only a fucking cheat, but had absolutely no grasp of what actual skateboarders do on actual skateboards. Plus, he had the trick selection of a guy in a wheelchair and i could tell (from the other side of the world) that he was just fiddling the joysticks in the hope that he'd do something that i couldn't front on. Bad move. Aside from humiliating him and winning to the point of defeat, I dealt with his self-esteem the same way i deal with my pay slips and phone bills, i disposed of it. BaM PunK88 promptly left the game and as far as i recall, smashed his x-box, burnt his entire cky and jackass dvd collection, ripped the HIM posters off his wall and begun a new life dedicated to being as good at SKATE as i am.
Now, just because i am ridiculously good at this game, doesn't necessarily mean i enjoy it. In fact, SKATE is by far the most frustrating video game experience i have ever experienced. Here's how career mode goes:

Day 1.
I learnt how to ollie today. This really nice man at the skatepark showed me how to do heelflips but they kept turning into frontside shove-its and more ollies! Gosh it was fun! Especially for me, a champ that has been playing video games for a long time and demands a certain amount of compliance from a new game no matter how friendly the learning curve proposes itself to be! Anyway, i didn't let that get in my way, i just pretended that the ollies were heelflips for the rest of my session!

Day 2.
Woke up early, some guy keeps following me around with a camera commenting on my tricks. Sometimes he's nice and sometimes he's mean and sometimes he even sounds like he wants to ask me out on a date! I'm getting pretty good at flipping my board around now, i learnt some new tricks and some guy even took photos of me! I think it's going on the cover of a magazine and i'm pretty sure that the local shop wants to sponsor me. All these really friendly people are messaging my T-Mobile Sidekick (plug) and asking me to hang out with them. I have a feeling i'm about to blow the fuck up!

Day 3.
Wow, today was full of bad vibes and negative energy. I was trying to film this line and every time i was perfectly set up for the ledge, a man would walk directly in front of it! And the man was always black! I'm not being racist, but that guy was a glitch on my mainframe. I got my trick eventually, but then at the next spot i was totally buggin. Paul Rodriguez wanted me to nollie 360 flip noseslide this totally perfect hubba and every time i didn't land it he'd pay some guys to have me placed 2 centimeters from the ledge, making it a major impossibility for me to get my trick! I tried it a couple of times anyway and ended up on the stairs! Then i tried to get off the stairs but gravity was staining the situation and i ended up face-planting on every stair before i got to re-do my trick! Then i hit a pole! Then a car hit me into a pedestrian who then slapped me into a curb which by some miracle positioned me perfectly in front of the ledge! So i'm finally set up for my final mission and the black guy pops up again! I didn't even see him walk towards the ledge! Man, virtual skateboarding is real hard.

Day 4.
I still can't pick my skateboard up and walk around. It's getting kind of embarassing now. I skated ten blocks to get to this one spot, only to find that there are eight stairs in the way. Eight stairs is one too many stairs for me to ollie up, so i have to skate another ten blocks just to get to the other side of it. I can grab my board, why can't i pick it up?

Day 5.
Things are getting desperate now. I've been purposely running into cars all day just so my board will leave my feet. I heard SKATE 2 is coming out soon. God i hope i can pick my board up when that comes out. I haven't taken my socks off for a week straight and i tried to ollie into my shower last night but it ended up as a heelfip and i woke up in hospital again.

Day 6.

As you can see, SKATE 2 should be pretty good.

1 comment:

yakusikimo said...

whats your gamertag man.