Saturday, August 2, 2008

Decrapitation

I was down at the old watering hole last night for Jacinta's going away exhibition, it was a fairly still evening with patches of light rain and an overall sense of sadness over the departure of our lovable English sister. Whilst sitting outside and powering cigarettes (i only smoke on the weekends now which means that now when i do smoke, i fucking go for it) with my friends, the conversation shifted to a rather ghoulish topic. Now when i say shifted, i mean i told everyone about 'that' decapitation that went down on the greyhound bus in Canada just recently, as if to suggest that other decapitation stories are less news worthy. Everyone was shocked to the point of self urination, even my friend Richard who has a subscription to Macabre Monthly. Some interesting points were raised and theories on what do in such a situation ranged from setting the back of the bus on fire, to kicking the guy out of the bus and then running him over, to hadoukens or self decapitation in order to make the killer feel less unique. Had we all been wearing scarves and opticals, it would have been the most intellectually stimulating debate to ever hit the Flying Scotsman, or the world for that matter. I came to the conclusion that the only way to come out on top in such a situation would be to set the back of the bus on fire, rendering the killer trapped and sad, then somehow make it so he isn't in the bus anymore (osmosis) and run him over with the bus. You don't even have to cut your own head off to ensure victory.
With that sorted out, i decided to do a little more research into the decapitation craze that is currently sweeping the world. Apparently it's not a new thing and it actually dates back to around 1792 with the decapitation of a frenchman via guillotine, which was quite a popular method of removing one's head at the time. However, i like to go back even further to a little film called Sleepy Hollow. I'm pretty sure it's a documentary and it tells the story of this dude that just rode around all the time on a horse and laid the decap' cafe latte on fools. I'm not sure exactly how long ago they filmed it but if my calculations are even semi-accurate, Johnny Depp is around 1000 years old and has lived to this day to tell the tale.
The only difference between the headless horseman and the asshole on the greyhound bus is that the Headless Horseman had style and probably a tangible motive for doing what he did. It was probably even an occupation back then.
I wouldn't be surprised if Johnny Depp laid the hurt on this guy in the near future.

2 comments:

Brad said...

Dear Ben Menzies (As i used to enjoy calling you)

I love you.

Love Brad.

Benjamin said...

I love you more.

tee hee hee.