SUPER SAIYAN WHEELCHAIR!!

Dragonball Z is my favourite cartoon of all time. For childhood memory's sake, i hired out a couple of seasons and once again started my training to become a Super Saiyan. Everything was going super powerful, heads were getting caved in, entire islands were being destroyed and characters were coming back to life all over the place. It was heaven.
Then this asshole 'Tien' shows up and baffles everybody with his weak demeanour and stupid third eye. I had to stop powering up and sit back down just to take in how much of a useless fag this guy is. Then, after i stopped glowing, i made the following comic to depict my hatred of this paticular waste of screen space. Richard, i know you feel me on this one.


















Tien is the kind of guy that rocks up at a Dragon Ball Z reunion, stinking of booze and starts yelling at everyone because they've changed.

Tehcnologor.

Checking my blog on my psp = Arrogant.
Gears of War online = Free with Xbox 360 l33t purchase.
Headset = See above.
Being called a 'pikey hacker noob' by thirteen year old girls from Essex = Comedy you can't put a price on.

Hey everyone, this guy's a big fat phony!!

The man above whose name is Michael Googleearthicci or some shit actually faked having cancer so he could sell a song to the god fearing sect of the Australian population. What nerve! Lying about his life to sell records! Rappers don't do that! Do they!?
Did someone say rap? Oh, you want me to write a rap about this guy? Well, i didn't have anything planned but here's a diss track i planned earlier.

Take that shit out of your nose you phony overlord,
your just as bad as Peter with that oversized keyboard,
fronting about cancer just to sell a pop single,
something something something something i eat pringles,
texas barbecue or on some sweet and sour super shit,
looking like a white rick ross you sweet and sour super git,
do us all a favor and actually get cancer,
or make some real music, Elton John, tiny dancer.

I'm currently waiting for his response.

What olympics?

I wouldn't be surprised if Lebron has already hit that. Even the chicks are checking her out.

Supposedly.....

That's right jerks, Michael Phelps states Lil Wayne as the sole reason he was so succesful at the olympics. He doesn't even train, he just listens to Weezy all day and stares at a glass of water. When asked how he felt about Phelps' success Lil Wayne responded, "fuck Michael Phelps, i am a better swimmer than Michael Phelps".

Then he dropped the following verse at a press conference:

"I am the muthafuckin shark in your olympic size swimming pool,
cutting through your athletes like a muthafuckin power tool,
lookin like the 96' chinese women's swimming team,
triangle lookin muthafucka, spit out competition like Listerine".






*None of the above happened, except for Michael Phelps listening to Lil Wayne which is awesome enough.

omgwtf Infarreds4evaz!!!333806-101!!1

I work in a shop that sells shoes. As of a few years ago, being overly into sneakers became cool. Even i was bitten by the bug. For some reason I thought it would be totally sweet if i bought heaps of shoes and didn't wear most of them on the off chance that someone would come to my house and peep my elite sneaker collection. Now they are all at Wear2 in Fremantle.
No shoe is cooler than the above though. It's been re-released close to a thousand times and every time it is re-released a new bunch of a-holes come out of the woodwork claiming that they are da bomb because they bought their re-releases before the new jacks did, not realising that they are new jacks themselves. I'm not going to deny that it is a nice shoe, because it is. All the colours work nicely together, it has an actual history and the Air Max 90 silhouette is hard to fuck with. I am saying that it's a bit sad when i get fully grown men breaking down in tears on the phone because they might only be able to buy ten pairs as opposed to the original fifteen that they intended to dominate the sneakerhead forums with.

Here's an example of a conversation i had yesterday. Keep in mind that most infarred customers are the rudest people you would ever encounter.

Me: *standard retail greeting*

Adult: "Are the infarreds in yet?"

Me: "Good afternoon sir, how are you?"

Adult: "Infarreds, where iz they?"

Me: "We spoke to nike yesterday, they had a mess up at the warehouse and they are being air-freighted this afternoon, meaning that they should be here tomorrow. How many pairs did you want?"

Adult "I WANT THIRTY PAIRS!!! MUHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

Me: "I'm sorry sir, we may not be able to meet such a request, we have other customers that are just as keen on the shoe as you are, but are happy with just one pair".

Adult: *quietly sobbing* "What means one pair??"

Me: "One pair as in, no re-sale and you actually have to wear them instead of keeping them in the closet like a gay person".

Adult: *fully grown man crying at this stage* "I WANTZ THIRTY PAIRZ!! NO SHARING!! RE-SALE!!"

Me: "Look, we'll give you twenty five pairs but that is the best we can do."

Adult: ..............*gunshot followed by body hitting the floor*

Me: "Are you there sir?"

Adult: *beep beep beep beeeeeeep*


That's how it (pretty much) went down. And yes, i'm aware i spelt infrareds wrong throughout the post. 'Infarred' is the preffered spelling used by sneakerheads that can't control their excitement.

I'm dedicating this post to my fellow blogger Garth at www.yeah-homies.blogspot.com, who, while appreciating footwear more than i do, feels my pain.

I'm still copping a pair, maybe four.

Decrapitation

I was down at the old watering hole last night for Jacinta's going away exhibition, it was a fairly still evening with patches of light rain and an overall sense of sadness over the departure of our lovable English sister. Whilst sitting outside and powering cigarettes (i only smoke on the weekends now which means that now when i do smoke, i fucking go for it) with my friends, the conversation shifted to a rather ghoulish topic. Now when i say shifted, i mean i told everyone about 'that' decapitation that went down on the greyhound bus in Canada just recently, as if to suggest that other decapitation stories are less news worthy. Everyone was shocked to the point of self urination, even my friend Richard who has a subscription to Macabre Monthly. Some interesting points were raised and theories on what do in such a situation ranged from setting the back of the bus on fire, to kicking the guy out of the bus and then running him over, to hadoukens or self decapitation in order to make the killer feel less unique. Had we all been wearing scarves and opticals, it would have been the most intellectually stimulating debate to ever hit the Flying Scotsman, or the world for that matter. I came to the conclusion that the only way to come out on top in such a situation would be to set the back of the bus on fire, rendering the killer trapped and sad, then somehow make it so he isn't in the bus anymore (osmosis) and run him over with the bus. You don't even have to cut your own head off to ensure victory.
With that sorted out, i decided to do a little more research into the decapitation craze that is currently sweeping the world. Apparently it's not a new thing and it actually dates back to around 1792 with the decapitation of a frenchman via guillotine, which was quite a popular method of removing one's head at the time. However, i like to go back even further to a little film called Sleepy Hollow. I'm pretty sure it's a documentary and it tells the story of this dude that just rode around all the time on a horse and laid the decap' cafe latte on fools. I'm not sure exactly how long ago they filmed it but if my calculations are even semi-accurate, Johnny Depp is around 1000 years old and has lived to this day to tell the tale.
The only difference between the headless horseman and the asshole on the greyhound bus is that the Headless Horseman had style and probably a tangible motive for doing what he did. It was probably even an occupation back then.
I wouldn't be surprised if Johnny Depp laid the hurt on this guy in the near future.