The Carter 3: A biased review

I've been following Lil Wayne's (aka Weezy F. Baby's aka Young Carter's aka Young Stunna's aka Weezy's) career for the last few years now, from the Carter 2 through every mixtape he's made (and some that were made without his permission) all the way to the highly anticipated Carter 3. I'll admit, being a Lil Wayne fan is like being a fan of a sitcom. He fucks up every now and then but when he is winning, you are winning and no matter what the outcome is you can't help but love him for all the entertainment he provides you with, positive or negative. He has his critics, most of them being closet homosexuals who are riding an anti-weezy bandwagon because he isn't 'underground' enough or because everyone else is riding his willy.
Want to know why everyone rides his willy?
It's because he's a rockstar, straight up and down. He releases music on a more than regular basis because his fans are addicted to it as much as he is addicted to that double styrofoam cup filled with the mysterious liquid. He's a breath of fresh air compared to a large percentage of rappers who keep their off wax identities as hidden as possible. He is as real on his tracks as he is in real life and documenting his entire story on hundreds of mixtape songs in between the release of his two biggest albums is a power move of epic proportions. Realistically, he could have made another two or three albums just from what he released on mixtapes. Where most would lay low and keep their workings a secret, Wayne was serving his fans and existing as a controversial spark at the centre of the rap industry, keeping things interesting and setting a standard for the 'next big thing', whilst working on possibly the most important album of his career.
So, i've decided to give a track by track breakdown of why this is the best album ever released by any artist in any genre ever. Stop reading here if you tend to start your day with a glass of freshly squeezed haterade.

Note: This track listing is based on the leak of the album, not the official release.

1."3 Peat"
3:19
The intro joint and probably one of the best tracks on the album. Wayne isn't really trying too hard on this track, he swears a-lot and doesn't even bother setting a standard for the rest of the album with crappy speeches or early album concepts like some other rappers tend to do. Straight to business like a suit on a train.

Standout line - "It's the New Orleans nightmare, money so old it's growing white hair".

2. "Mr. Carter"
feat. Jay-z
5:16
Finally the two best rapper alive's on the same track (Brooklyn 2.0 doesn't count) one self proclaimed, the other critically acclaimed. This has to be the best track on the album. Just Blaze produced it (hard hitting drums/organs/awesomeness), Jay-z featured on it and Lil Wayne has a couple of verses on it. Wayne makes constant references to how good he is, Jay does the same, everyone is happy. The "Mr. Carter" chants at the end of the song are so epic that you'll want to have a baby on the spot.

Standout line - "I'd rather be pushing flowers, then be in the pen sharing showers"

3. "A milli"
3:41
Holy shit, this track blows minds like hairdryers. Definately a contender for best track on the album. The constant, screwed up "A milli" sample doesn't get annoying and Wayne's swag on this track is hard to deny. A bit too slow to be a club banger, but creeps at the perfect pace for you and your white friends to play loudly whilst driving around pretending to be the oppposite of white.

Standout line - "A million here, a million there, sicilian bitch with long hair and coke in her derierre".

4. "Got Money"
4:04
I know it's considered custom to have T-Pain feature on your album these days, no matter how silly he sounds but c'mon, T-Pain? Too-painful to listen to. When every other rapper in the game is using your gimmick, it's time to move on. Start a clothing label/record label and call it a day.

Wayne still kills it, could very well be the best track on the album.

Standout line - I can't listen to this track all the way through, so i'll never know.

5. "Comfortable"
feat. Kanye West and Babyface
4:25
God damn i love this song. Kanye's trademark drums and floaty strings make me want to do things to myself. Wayne tones it down a bit, telling the ladies that although he's hyped on them for the time being, not to get head over heels on a brother. This is a nice change as Wayne is generally less polite when speaking about the opposite sex.

Standout line - "If you leave, leave correct and i'll send a jet to pick up the next".

6. "Dr. Carter"
4:24

Holy shit. Without a doubt, best track on the album. Swizz Beatz slows things down a bit as Wayne dons the stethoscope and brings hip-hop back to life in the form of a wack rapper on the operating table. I liked this track so much that i got my favourite line tatooed on the back of my neck so that when people ask me what it means i can tell them it's something that only i can relate to even though it actually has no bearing whatsoever to anything i've ever done in my lifetime and i'll probably end up getting it lasered off when i realise how much of a retard i've been.

Standout line - Lasered off.

7. "Phone Home"
3:11
Weezy was on some E.T type shit when he made this joint and i'll be honest, it's super annoying. In fact, this review is getting annoying, best track on the album.

Standout line - "PHONE HOME!"

8. "Tie My Hands"
feat. Robin Thicke
5:19

This is really nice this track. Wayne gets deep, listener ends up in tears. Best. Track. Album.

Standout line - If it's the best track on the album, every line is a standout.

9. "Mrs. Officer"
feat. Bobby Valentino
4:47
Hilarious. Wayne talks about having sex with female police officers and the hook sounds like a police siren. MVP track of the album.

Standout line - "And after we got done, i said lady what's your number, she said 9-1-1".

10. "Let the Beat Build"
5:09
Another kanye produced joint, the beat builds for a couple of minutes and you have to sit there and wait for Kanye's genius to explode in your face/ears. When it does, it becomes the best track on the album.

Standout line - ____________________________

11. "Shoot Me Down"
4:29
I like this track heaps. The best bit is when the track starts.

Standout line - *Track starting*

12. "Lollipop"
feat. Static Major

5:02
The official radio release that i refused to listen to because of how many fags were beating off over how good it was before i'd even heard it. After hearing it i can see why so many loads were blown over said track. I take it back, you aren't fags.

Standout line - I can't be bothered with this 'standout line' schtick anymore. I thought i could handle it, but at 16 tracks, it's becoming a bit of a hassle.

13. "La La"
feat. Brisco and Busta Rhymes
4:21
David Banner produced this one, it's on some pre-school nursery rhyme ish and Busta Rhymes isn't afraid to claim first pick at the play equipment. I like this song, my friends think it's annoying but they don't realise that they sound annoying when they say that. Having said that, i personally think that this is the best track on the album.

14. "Playing With Fire"
feat. Betty Wright
4:21
Weezy actually loses his mind on this track. Telling people to assasinate him, comparing himself to MLK (brave) and generally being a superstar. BTOTA.

15. "You ain't got nothing"

feat. Fabolous and Juelz Santana
5:27
This track is as grimey as the lasagne you left out on the kitchen table for all those weeks because you forgot it was yours and expected someone else to clean it because it supposedly wasn't your responsibility once the pasta had hardened, whereas if you had been requested to wash it before the hardening of the pasta, it wouldn't have been a problem.

Speaking of pasta - "Forty cal fettucine, tre pound pasta, you come for this medallion you must like italian"

16. "Dont Get It"
9:52

Common already used the Misunderstood sample for that track on 'Finding Forever' but he isn't half as entertaining as Wayne so i pretty much deleted it from my memory. With that done, Wayne goes on a five minute rant about how much he hates Al Sharpton. I don't know who Al Sharpton is but you can bet that after hearing this track, i wanted to kill him. I fucking hate Al Sharpton yo. I hate him so much that i don't even know why.

I'll leave you with this image. Start getting excited, this baby drops very soon.