The good old days.

Scool Suckz.

People aren't homeless because they made bad life choices or took shitloads of drugs or anything like that. They're homeless because they hated school and didn't want to study, and in modern society if you don't pass school it's pretty safe to say that that your two fruit and five veg are going to be coming from a trash can. That is of course, unless you secure yourself an apprenticeship which will guarantee you a life of manual labour and large amounts of finance, aka you'd rather be homeless.
And so what if you don't have a house or a car or your teeth? Imagine just lurking around the city all day, pretending to scribble prophetic imagery in a pad and going to grab some lunch every now and then? Pedestrians are so wasteful that you could even manifest an entire pack of ciggarettes from the butts they leave littered about the place, so that's your after lunch dart all taken care of. And if you've begged/stolen hard enough throughout the day, reward yourself with a bottle of port as the ultimate night cap. It doesn't matter where you sleep, the city is your bed and your dreadlocks will be your pillow.
Now, why am i glorifying the life of a bum? Is it because i lost my job recently? Is it because i performed sexual acts on a farm animal and one of my friends took a picture of it on their mobile phone and posted it on the internet and now everybody knows so i had to go into hiding? Is it because of the recession?
No. It's because i took a stat test the other day and it was the most gruelling, offensive and emotional three hours of my life. Three hours also being the amount of time i studied before doing it, hence adding to the degree of difficulty i experienced. Imagine walking into a dull room full of minorities (i'm not being racist, minorities are better than majorities), being allocated a seat in between two nerds (all the cool people were strategically placed away from eachother) and having to answer the hardest questions ever that have no relation to anything you care about, or anything you want to study.

I've drawn up an example of one to give you an idea of how much better life would be if you didn't apply for university.

Sample Question.

Now, if you can answer that, you are 1/70th of your way through the exam and (if you're into reading as much as i am) you have about ten minutes to complete the remaining 69. Which is a situation that had me considering homelessness and asking myself "what's so good about having a career anyway?"

Good luck.

This is getting ridiculous.

http://rihannadaily.com/2008/11/encounter-in-a-store-in-perth/
My blog is getting more attention than a new born baby.

Awww...

I'll admit, i won't really fuck with Chris Brown's or Rihanna's music (unless Lil Wayne has cameos) but god-damn, chilling in their presence without having to resort to stalking or beating up their security guards was a pretty incredible occurrence. Her first words? "Do you have these in a size 8 and 11?"
I tried to act all cool like, "yeah, i'm pretty sure i can sort that out for you" but secretly, the sweat from my palms could have nourished an entire third world country. If we didn't have those particular sizes in stock, i was ready to sit out the back and make them for her with whatever i could scrape together. After about half an hour of giving the best customer service i will ever give in my life, Chris and Rihanna were ringing up their sales (what financial crisis?) when she pointed out how awesome my Super Nintendo chain/pendant combo was. I fainted inside but somehow managed to remain upstanding and replied "yeah, i had it specially made because video games are better than pretty much everything".
Chris was all about it as well and proceeded to pull the right sleeve of his jumper (Supreme, of course) up, revealing a tattoo of nothing less than the exact same Super Nintendo controller. The shock i felt was comparable to winning lotto and finding $50 on the same day. We shared a moment and it was at that point that i realised i should be more accepting of the things i don't particularly enjoy. Had you told me Chris Brown was a Super Nintendo nerd and a champion in general about three hours ago, i would have told you to shut your mouth because you're clearly 15 years old and female. It's funny how actually meeting people like that can affect you regardless of how you feel about their chosen career path. There was definately a sense of accomplishment and megastardom in the air once they walked into the shop and i'll admit right now that i happily brushed my somewhat biased opinions aside and as a result, i matured a little bit.

So from now on, i'm going to do my best to not hate on artists and celebrities whose artforms i might not agree with, but only if i personally meet the superstars themselves.
Here's my list of Superstars that i am now cool with and a list that still have to prove themselves.

Stars that i'm now cool with:
- Rihanna
- Chris Brown
- Some guy from the Dandy Warhols.
- Sean Kingston

Stars that i'm still not cool with:
- Any that haven't personally given me praise.

C'mon Hollywood, my fanship is on a platter, show me that you deserve it.

Not again...

I told my friends that i'd be coming out of hibernation for the Summer. Looks like my release date has been pushed back at least another month.

I've only played the above game for a couple of hours but that couple of hours was enough to make me realise that the shit is blockbuster and requires my immediate attention. The fact that i got a copy of the photo of the homie Dom and his wife makes the whole experience a-lot more personal, which is why i'll need to finish this game before i resume any previously mentioned summer assignations.

*Takes half of the internet*

Half an hour later, my blog's favourite condiment is no longer salt and pepper, but a generous helping of thousand island dressing.

Thanks to all of my supporters out there, i saw some views from the UK and United States (could have something to do with the Obama triple post), which goes to show that there are still thriving markets out there for fixed gear bikes and other completely irrelelvant information. To my fellow bloggers at chroniclesofdardia.blogspot.com, yeah-homies.blogspot.com, longiesand40s.blogspot.com, haf4lyf.blogspot.com (even though it is rarely updated), rdkltops.com and hellokarma.com, thanks for the links.

Here's to another thousand views and the celebration of mediocrity that is this post.

Speaking of milestones

My first thousand views is imminent.

Note - I added the counter on the first of this month. Had i added the counter when i first started the blog, i'd probably own 50% of the internet by now.

The (not so) Dirty South

Part 1.

Clever title loosely based on dreams, but doesn't actually display the word 'dreams' to show my yearning, artistic side.

Something messed up happened to me last night while i slept. I was just lying there dreaming about what appears to be none of your business when, towards the end of my dream i said the words "you know it's the end of the world when people are congregating around a fireplace for entertainment".
Me and whoever else was in the room at the time were standing in a half renovated house where a television had replaced the fireplace. Some hippy said something lame abot the fireplace being covered up to which i responded with the above statement.
I can't remember what else happened after that but i can imagine it wasn't very exciting. What is exciting though, is the fact that i actually remembered every word of a particular quote from my dream and that has never happened before.

Maybe something of great significance will happen next time i'm near a fireplace? Could it be that the only reason something significant will happen next time i'm near a fireplace is because i've spent the last twenty five minutes thinking about it and even gone to the lengths of writing a blog (filler) post about it? What if the last twenty five minutes has actually been the dream and i'm still somewhere in reality discussing the importance of fireplaces? Why do tribes base so much importance around flames and dancing? Why don't they just build some skyscrapers and get jobs like the rest of us?

In the end, none of that crazy philosophical stuff really matters. All that does matter is that my dream alias says some really cool shit sometimes.