Sunday, November 16, 2008

Scool Suckz.

People aren't homeless because they made bad life choices or took shitloads of drugs or anything like that. They're homeless because they hated school and didn't want to study, and in modern society if you don't pass school it's pretty safe to say that that your two fruit and five veg are going to be coming from a trash can. That is of course, unless you secure yourself an apprenticeship which will guarantee you a life of manual labour and large amounts of finance, aka you'd rather be homeless.
And so what if you don't have a house or a car or your teeth? Imagine just lurking around the city all day, pretending to scribble prophetic imagery in a pad and going to grab some lunch every now and then? Pedestrians are so wasteful that you could even manifest an entire pack of ciggarettes from the butts they leave littered about the place, so that's your after lunch dart all taken care of. And if you've begged/stolen hard enough throughout the day, reward yourself with a bottle of port as the ultimate night cap. It doesn't matter where you sleep, the city is your bed and your dreadlocks will be your pillow.
Now, why am i glorifying the life of a bum? Is it because i lost my job recently? Is it because i performed sexual acts on a farm animal and one of my friends took a picture of it on their mobile phone and posted it on the internet and now everybody knows so i had to go into hiding? Is it because of the recession?
No. It's because i took a stat test the other day and it was the most gruelling, offensive and emotional three hours of my life. Three hours also being the amount of time i studied before doing it, hence adding to the degree of difficulty i experienced. Imagine walking into a dull room full of minorities (i'm not being racist, minorities are better than majorities), being allocated a seat in between two nerds (all the cool people were strategically placed away from eachother) and having to answer the hardest questions ever that have no relation to anything you care about, or anything you want to study.

I've drawn up an example of one to give you an idea of how much better life would be if you didn't apply for university.

Sample Question.

Now, if you can answer that, you are 1/70th of your way through the exam and (if you're into reading as much as i am) you have about ten minutes to complete the remaining 69. Which is a situation that had me considering homelessness and asking myself "what's so good about having a career anyway?"

Good luck.


Scagnetti said...

This post actually made my heart sink.

That is heavy.

Brad said...