Sunday, January 17, 2010

Omegle, Street Fighter and racial enlightenment.

I was just driving around the other day, minding my own business or whatever and out of nowhere this d-bag in a matte black Toyota Hilux pulls in front of me and makes a huge scene about the fact that he's a reckless d-bag in a Toyota Hilux. I did what any normal person would do and stewed in the car, swearing to myself and imagining what i'd do if i had a cache of heat-seeking missiles waiting for him just after the Vincent St dismount, when i notice a rather medium-sized sticker carelessly placed somewhere between the bottom and the left of the Hilux's back windshield.

"Fuck off, we're full".

Haha. This guy is awesome. He doesn't want anyone else in his car, even though he's the only person in it which is totally ironic and means that he prefers to be by himself. I wonder what that Australia decal around the saying means though? Oh that's right, it means that he isn't being ironic, he's being an overtly racist redneck shitdick. The sticker actually means that matte black Hilux is of the belief that his current country of residence is at maximum capacity and can't possibly accommodate any more residents. Remember when you were a young boy in primary school and you derived great satisfaction from the exclusion of girls from activities and/or secret clubs because you thought they were of lesser hygiene quality and therefore unable to adapt to the living conditions of said clubs or activities? You were actually being more mature than matte black Hilux.

It's like when i play Street Fighter 4. Some people just pick Ryu all the time because he's Japanese and a good world warrior, whereas i like to apply an even spread mentality to my character selection and on any given day you could find me riding with Ryu, Ken, Dhalsim, Sagat, Zangief or even Chun-Li (who is a girl), not because i'm anti-racism, but because i am pro-humanity and also because i hate people that only pick Ryu in Street Fighter (wow, you've mastered the fireball and all it's functions and applications, you are a boring world warrior). Not only do i get to master all of their technical retaliations and combo ranges, i also learn a little about each culture and become a better person after each game. Imagine if Ryu, Dhalsim and Zangief pulled up behind matte black hilux? I think after all the 17 hit Hadouken's, spinning piledrivers and yoga flames, they'd be pretty sad.

They wouldn't leave the country though, which means that matte black hilux's sticker is not only racist, but also especially pointless. To realize that these mobile racists actually believe that someone is going to leave a country because they saw a sticker on someone's car is to realize how mentally and socially incapable they actually are. "Oh man, that guy's sticker says "we grew here, you flew here", better call Damayanti, we're heading back to India". Well done, matte black hilux! That's one less quiet, hard-working Indian family for you to worry about! Let's do some bog laps around Curtin University and see if we can't clear out some Japanese students!

Don't take my word for it though. I'm hardly the first and final word in diplomacy and race relations, take these Omegle confessions as the final nails in the coffin to matte black Hilux's cause and why his efforts are completely in vain.

Here's a conversation i had with a lovely chap from Greece who had recently migrated to the U.S. Before he started getting gay on me, he actually made a valid point.

You:
if you were driving around in the U.S. and you saw a sticker on the back of someone's car that said either "fuck off, we're full" or "if you don't like it, leave", would you be offended?
Stranger: No. I'm not easily offended
Stranger: I feel as though it's a waste of time.
Stranger: i have better things to consume my time with and engulf myself in
Stranger: get me?
You: couldn't agree more
Stranger: hahahaha did you ask that because i'm technically a foreigner?
You: well, i would have asked regardless, the fact that you're technically a foreigner does make for a beneficial variable.
Stranger: I concur.
Stranger: I love the fact that you're not intellectually deprived.
Stranger: We are soulmates <3 hahahahaa

Here's a statement from a young Hispanic fellow, who shared a similar view to myself on the application of these stickers to one's Hilux.

You: no. what i want to ask you is, would you display a sticker on the back of your car saying either "fuck off, we're full" or "if you don't like it, leave", as a stance on other races migrating to your country?
Stranger: uhm no considering that i am hispanic.
You: ok, so if you saw a born and bred american citizen displaying the same sticker on their car, would you be offended?
Stranger: most likely
Stranger: why do you display a sticker saying "fuck off we're full"?
You: Absolutely not. I live in Australia and i see these stickers all the time. If i was strong, i'd uppercut anyone i saw with one of these stickers.
Stranger: ohhh, whew, i thought you were some white supremacist

With this one i just went straight out and played the victim. The results speak for themselves.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: aloha
You: thank god you're here!
Stranger: ??
You: the last guy i spoke to was such a dick
Stranger: why wad he say to u
You: he said he has a sticker on the back of his car that says "fuck off, we're full".
Stranger: wow hes a fag

Couldn't have said it better myself.

9 comments:

24KGOLDSLUMCOMPUTERWIZARD said...

ZANGIEF SUX. CHATROULETTE.COM IZ BETTA!!

Me said...

Say Zangief sux when he's standing next to you.

24KGOLDSLUMCOMPUTERWIZARD said...

THAT RED BUDGIE-SMUGGLING SOVIET SWINE CANT FRONT ON MA DAWG GOUKI, DAWG. SHIT IS INSTANT HELL MURDA LIKE JAH BABY PAH

Me said...

Gouki is just a rich man's ryu. I don't have a particular fondness for Zangief, dude's just mad underrated. I've got the ill cossack costume for him as well so i don't have to watch his package dance around as i destroy my opponent.

. said...

Would like to figure out a way to mess with those stickers (fowf) by replacing a few letters with different ones...

Garth said...

Omegle is awesome!!!

Chatroulette is also good, but it has too many dudes holding their penis's for my liking...
I spent a good 30 mintues on it the other night calling everyone emo.

Get ready for the Australian Flag onslaught *shudders*

Jim said...

If you have a marker you could easily continue their statement as it was originally intended ... "fuck off, we're full of donkey gizz as no one like to associate with a racist!". Shit even get some continuations printed up for easy application! Get creative kids!

Me said...

Everyone who has commented on this post needs to meet me at the foreshore and it's surrounding carparks on Australia Day for a secret alpha bravo reconnaissance mission involving the switching of automobile-bound Australian flags to Russian flags for reasons unknown.

The codename is 'Operation Zangief' or alternatively, 'smuggled budgie'. Victory will be met with booty of both the female and treasure chest varieties.

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