Sunday, January 3, 2010

Heterosexual.

"As the energy is escalating around the MMA culture, TapouT is taking on a life of its own with an attitude so American and Arrogant that the demand for the brand has gone global".

There's a brand called TapouT now. This intrigues me.

The first time I was confronted with this label was during a casual stroll through the foodcourt at Galleria Morley, not quite the catwalks of Milan but definitely a suitable environment for my introduction to this striking brand and it's loyal customer base. As i strolled through the court's international array of five star eateries, a family of five caught my attention as they brazenly strolled between McDonald's and that health store that only seems to sell beefcake protein shakes and nuts. Galleria Morley is full of families eating cheeseburgers, so why did this family demand my attention moreso than any family before them? Was it the way they walked, shoulders protruding, slightly pigeon-toed and neck tensed to the point of vein pulsation? Was it their similar hairstyles, short up front, i'll kill you out the back? Or was it the fact that anyone in their line of sight would immediately scuttle to the side as a declaration of defeat or fear of being defeated?

Yes, it was. But it was also because every member of this family was wearing a TapouT t-shirt and/or TapouT boardshorts and accessories. The father had chosen the Frank Shamrock signature series, the mother preffered the clean imagery of the Amir Sadollah range, whilst the two kids spoke their minds in matching Kimbo Slice tee's with gold foil emblem and a +5 staunch bonus for the wearer. Their new-born was representing the infant collection, but due to the shelter provided by it's pram i could only make out half a bleeding crushed skull and the words "babies never back down".

Now, as we all know beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Fashion is not a straight line, but more a vacumous zig-zag that bounces back and forth between eras, sucking in those lucky enough to embrace it's unique variables and 'collective individual' mentality. Everyone is going to hate what everyone else is wearing out of one side of their mouth and praise those whose style is enviable out the other at one or more stages of their life. Meanwhile, an impressive 99% of these people actually have little to no idea why they take such a vested interest in the appearance of others and eventually become so concerned with the materials on one's body, they either turn gay or not alive anymore. So why, of all the endless beauty and mystery of our home planet, would i dedicate my valuable time to a brand called TapouT?

Don't ask stupid questions.

People wear surf brands because they like surfing (or they're too lazy to make the transition from child to adult), people wear suits because they probably work in an office or are under the impression that women like guys in suits, which is completely false because only sluts and gold diggers are attracted to men in suits and now, people wear TapouT because they like to crush skulls or view the crushing of skulls from the safety of their favourite couch on their flexi-rented 900 inch home theatre package whilst wearing a TapouT shirt.

*wailing guitar*
"WHEN YOU'RE WAITING FOR SOME DIFFERENTLY DRESSED WEAKLING DWEEB FAG TO LOOK YOU YOU IN THE EYE WHILE YOU LOOK HIM IN THE EYE AND WAIT FOR HIM TO CATCH YOUR EYE, MAKE SURE YOU'RE WEARING THE BROCK LARSON FOIL TAPOUT SHIRT AS YOUR VICTORY SWEAT DRIPS DOWN TO HIS BEATEN NAKED BODY!! WHY IS HE NAKED? FUCK YOU AND YOUR ANCESTORS, THAT'S WHY!!
*fading guitar wails*

Ok, fighting is cool now, it's on foxtel and you don't have to think or get confused about stupid plots and conversation while you watch it. I get it. What i don't get is that while the brand promotes victory and the beating of those that you don't understand, is a tap out not a gesture of surrender? Like, in wrestling or UFC or whatever, if a grown, sweaty man is getting pummeled by another man from behind (it's not gay because they're hitting each-other) and he taps the ground a couple of times, is that not a tap out?

Doesn't matter, look at this!


These are the three masterminds behind the TapouT machine. One guy is named MASK and there's another guy named SKYSCRAPER.

In case you didn't know:

"Skyskrape is the jester of the TapouT Crew and every fighter's best friend (they have the privilege of calling him “Skrape” for short)".

also:

"Some may say his silence is a veil for his super-size ego, but Punkass will take to the streets solo with no remorse for those who cross his path."


Am i the only one who sees this as the possible downfall of middle class society as we know it? The owners of this brand have made up personalities for themselves and promote beat-downs as a form of expression and an alternative to the otherwise saturated mainstream ideology. People actually wear a brand now because they can relate it back to that one time they saw a guy get kicked in the front of the head, then jabbed in the ribs a couple of times and eventually rocked so hard in the face that his feet left the ground and he subsequently forgot his surname and the last ten years of his life. Are Mask, Skyscrape and Punkass actually business-savvy entrepeneurs who don make-up and killer nicknames to appeal to the juvenile mentalities of UFC fans worldwide? Or is TapouT the apocalyptic entity the Mayans spoke of when they predicted a 2012 upset for Planet Earth?

2 comments:

Luke Thompson said...

Tapout could be a good indicator of the devolution of the human race. It seems to represent being aggressive and scary as a good way to get what you want. Which basically takes us back to neanderthal status.

I find it interesting that on the website it says "An expression of combat known worldwide". So basically they want to express combat with the clothing, right. What kind of combat? UFC and street fighting of course, the most violent form of combat around today. If violence is all you have to express then you have some deeper issues going on.

The article I've linked below is a little food for thought. Not saying I agree with it, just putting it out there.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-489653/Human-race-split-different-species.html

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