Wednesday, May 20, 2009

I got served.

First of all, i'd like to let you all know how happy i am that it shitted down with rain this morning. There's only so much sun in your face 26ยบ let's all be too warm to do anything strenuous but too cold to do anything to cancel out the warmth that a sane man can handle. At least when it's Winter i can get my James Pond license to chill on (made it up just then, don't steal my shit) and actually do what i was designed for, which is pretty much nothing and video games.

Anyway, i've been building up this totally sweet coin collection over the past few weeks. Not those amateur vintage/overseas coins that you're thinking of either. I'm talking Australian currency in the form of five and ten cent pieces aka the real shit. It was only when i was admiring my stirling collection the other day that i realized it could be used for a greater good, namely wealth beyond my wildest fantasies. All this time the Commonwealth Bank next to my work has been utilizing the most futuristic coin counting technology known to man and i was sitting there not utilizing it. I decided it was time to make some millions ($31.55).

Now you all know that i'm an absolute sucker for good customer service. Nothing makes me happier than walking into a store, getting whatever shit it is that i need to get, being served with a smile and maybe even some advice (not too much though, you'll ruin my day otherwise) and being allowed to leave at my own leisure without having to deal with some a-hole trying to upsell me some junk that i don't need or incompetence behind a till. The Commonwealth bank are a pretty good example of this mantra and i've never had any qualms with them or their respective employees. This morning however, was a very different experience. It was like they'd taken my mantra, pumped half a wheely bin full of steroids into it and let it roam free throughout their conveniently located branches.

I was the first customer there and witnessed my first ever ceremonial bank door unlocking without having to risk getting trampled by dole bludgers and senior citizens. The woman that opened the door expectedly made reference to the weather and i agreed with her because she was right, it was cold and rainy. Ten points for observational referencing. Everyone in the bank laughed like it was the most hilarious thing ever and i started to feel ultra awkward.
I slowly made my way to the coin counter and this lady comes out of nowhere and ambush serves me like i was trying to steal her eggs. It was the scariest approach to customer interaction i have ever experienced. I thought i was ready for it too. I've dealt with this before and just as i started getting back into my comfort zone she starts blasting me about how to use the coin counter, asking if i've ever used a coin counter, if i was a member of the commonwealth bank and then finished her onslaught with a comment on how awesome my coin tin was, which it is. I'm standing there like, how do i end this relationship? Do i tell her straight out to leave me alone or do i let her down softly and ask her to get me some home loan pamphlets? Will she notice if i just flat out ignore her?
At this point, i'm freaking out a little. The two girls at the tellers are looking at me like i should know what i'm doing and possibly laughing at my situation. I nervously poured my coins into the shaft (*) and focused so hard on the counter display that the super service girl got the message and walked off. I was free, for now.

The coin counter is awesome by the way. It's reasonably quiet and it counted about 700g of change in about 45 seconds. Even though it was the most intense 45 seconds of my life, the coin counter made the whole scenario a-lot more efficient and i recommend it to those that haven't used one yet.

I took my coin voucher to the counter and the tellers are both super smiling at me. It was like i'd just bought them both new coats, taken them out for dinner in said coats and then come to visit them the next morning to see how their new coats were going. That awkwardness that dissappeared earlier was slowly making it's way back up my spine. I was ready to leave now. The teller handed me my millions ($31.55) and then blankly stared at me and said "i hope our service has been 10/10 today".
I couldn't believe it. Commonwealth Bank were now requesting that their employess have the customers rate their experience on a 1-10 format with 1 being what i just went through and 10 being a gametraders transaction. I was so dumbfounded that i couldn't even respond. I looked like a jerk, but i didn't have time to be self-conscious. I pretty much ran out of the bank, dodging thank-you's, goodbye's and tea offers like it was the vietnam war of manners. I leapt out of the sliding door as it opened, fell down the stairs and ended up halfway between the soaking wet footpath and the road. Passers-by looked on as if i'd just been beaten by a gang of psychologists but the truth of the matter was, i just got served. I took a deep breath and turned around to the bank. They were all standing at the door staring at me, smiling but not really smiling. It was the most bullshit freakiest thing i have ever seen and was only punctuated by the fact that some of their eyes were glowing.
I had escaped though and was now free to spend my money on spinach and pastry. If any of you want to learn how to make amazing pie, let me know. I'm sure most of you are aware of my capabilities in the realm of online recipes.

*I can't even type the word 'shaft' anymore without feeling the need to disclaim it.

P.S. I may have fabricated some of that story.



I'm going to have to see the tin before i rate this one

krakha said...

lets see the tin.

krakha said...'s not the 'touchdowns' tin featured by Blinky Bill on rdkl is it? please say it is. cause that IS the best tin ever.

Me said...

I just saw the Touchdowns tin and i can confirm that mine is nowhere near as good.

Mines is a g-shock tin that i got with a watch. It has stars on it and it is 60% awesome. When i get a spare moment, i'll do a post about how stupid the commonwealth girl is for even concerning herself with it.