How to win at life and make Tzatziki dip.

First things first. Go and buy a packet of 50g Smith's crisps (chicken flavour if salt and vinegar isn't available) and take particular note of the 'Footy legends' promo. Ignore the fact that to be a legend nowadays all you have to do is snort blow and knock people out. Here's the important part. Instead of getting one 'footy legends' card in your packet, get three. Don't open them, they are merely pieces of decorated cardboard celebrating a sport that isn't really significant. You are now on your way to being a winner.

Next step, buy some of this. Ask your girlfriend if she has ever done it 'Greek Style' and see what happens.
Get this, pretty sure it's garlic.

That's a cucumber being shaved. You need cucumber to make Tzatziki. Make jokes that involve you placing the cucumber near your crotch area and aiming it at your friends.
That's lemon rind and cucumber shavings in the bowl. Pretty sure there's some lemon juice in there as well. Either way, winning is almost certain now.
Add a little s&p. You've never been closer to winning at this point in time.

In the words of Rick Ross 'Whip it real hard, whip it whip it real hard'. (No homo).
Olive oil that sucker like you would until your dip resembles a cracked open egg. Fact: Lil Wayne often makes references to cracked open eggs in his songs. Not to brag about the colour of his jewelry, but to display his love for a nice bowl of the 'ziki.Congratulations, you now know how to do it 'Greek Style'. You can only eat this dip with Turkish Bread or Surf brand corn chips. Anything else is digestive blasphemy.

Now for the final step. Call one of your good friends, one that you normally share intelligent conversation with and ask them what they are doing. Whilst they are telling you, cut them off halfway and tell them you are eating Tzatziki and it appears that they are not. Wait for the awkward silence, for this will be the exact moment in which you are winning at life. Bask in it for however long it lasts (five to ten seconds usually) and hang up on them.

You win.