Monday, February 23, 2009

The Academy Awards: Hit by hit

I can't keep those 50 Cent videos up for much longer. Anyone watch them yet?
Of course not, i don't click youtube links either.
To me, the Academy Awards is a really pointless exercise for Australian Television, much like every other program. The fact that every other medium has covered the shit out of it since it happened and everyone already knows the winners makes the whole scenario seem like crack-filler on an otherwise completely dilapidated walkway.
Anyway, this was kind of fun to do but i got real bored with it after a while so mind your own business.

Red carpet shenanigans. Could the questions be any more indirect and obvious? Even the actors are having trouble pretending to put up with it, and they're practically a bunch of professional liars.

Penelope Cruz's rack wins an Oscar for some movie that she was in.

Jack Black makes a joke about getting that Dreamworks money, Jennifer Aniston gets all hands across america on him. Camera strategically pans to Angelina Jolie who is laughing but secretly wants to launch buckshots in Jennifer's direction.

Wall-e wins an Oscar for being animated. I haven't seen it yet so i don't agree with the verdict. If there was any justice in the world, Bolt 3D would be the only contender for said awards.

Sarah Jessica Parker wears the biggest dress in the world and announces the best art direction nominees. Donald Graham Burt wins for Benjamin Button. Again, haven't seen it so i can't relate. I thought the Dark Knight was going to clean up tonight? Donald makes a joke and gives shout-outs to David Fincher. The crowd agrees that this is a wise career move.

Sarah Jessica's dress has somehow expanded in the last three minutes. Daniel Craig is dwarfed by her attire and i soon forget that he's standing there. There's a movie called Milk.

Michael O'connor wins an Oscar for costume design on the set of The Duchess. I haven't seen this film by choice. Will he cry?

He doesn't cry. Instead, i shed a tear over how bad television advertisements are becoming. Those two guys from the radio are really zany, i've forgotten their names.

Ad Break.

James Franco and Seth Rogan entertain with their hilarious brand of stoner comedy. It's amazing how Seth Rogan has made this shit cool again. Hearing them pronounce foreign films is hilarious and a performance that will no doubt see them up for Oscars next year.

More fucking ads.


Heath Ledger wins an Oscar. All the celebrities look much more approachable when they're about to cry. Mickey Rourke is still wearing those ridiculous sunglasses and looks like he should be refereeing cockfights in Mexico. I haven't seen the Wrestler yet either.

Ok, i can't take this anymore, i'm watching Seinfeld repeats.