Monday, December 29, 2008

Martin Clunes is the reason we all exist today.

Have you ever wondered where you came from? Ever found yourself staring into space, attempting to decipher the riddle that is your existence? Well, you don't need to do that anymore, stop doing it.
Whilst there is no tangible proof that Martin Clunes' is the creator of the universe, he is definately the lead character in the first sitcom to incorporate a humorous doctor character and you needn't go further than one episode of 'Doc Martin' to have your eyes opened to the point of blasphemy.
Having seen an entire season of Doc Martin, i went to the trouble of writing an episode for him that i think would be perfect for a comeback special or an anniversary episode.

Scene 1.

- A bed-ridden transvestite with cancer, aids, leprosy and pregnancy is complaining about all the stuff that's wrong with her/him and there's some really soppy music playing in the background.

- The village idiot walks in and says something really awkward like "at least you've got your health!" Everyone stands around wishing they were elsewhere.

Scene 2.

- Someone calls Doc Martin and his imbecile secretary almost ruins the whole transaction/episode but somehow manages to get Doc Martin on the job just in time.

- Doc Martin rolls up to the scene in the same car that the pope has and immediately dispels the awkwardness created by the village idiot with a really witty line.

- Turning his attention towards the patient, Doc Martin tells her that she was never meant to live and she just dies from laughing. He then casts a charisma spell that makes everyone fall in love with him and then he realises that it wasn't even a spell, it's just him being a great guy.

Scene 3.

- After a big day of saving lives and making jerks feel insignificant, Doc Martin retires to his castle for his seven day resurrection sleep. Upon entering his abode, all the hottest women in the world are waiting in his bed wearing skimpy nurse costumes. He impregnates all of them except one because she had an annoying disposition.

- Credits: Doc Martin collaborates with the black version of Michael Jackson for a remix of 'Heal the World' in which he moonwalks better and more efficiently than Michael Jackson ever could.

The End.

I'm currently in talks with BBC regarding the above episode, send them an email if you want it to happen.

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