If a picture is worth a thousand words, then blah blah blah something is worth so many pictures.

F the Police.

Entry to the Staple Magazine launch = Free.

One Golden Pheasant, Two Coopers Pale longnecks, One Corona, Three Asahis and entry to the Dorcia Nightclub = More than i wanted to spend.

Driving through Northbridge with Ludacris blasting and accidentally bumping into your friends whilst said music is playing = Stylish.

Drive-by handshakes = See 'Stylish'.

Realising in the midst of being stylish that you've driven down a one way street on one of the busiest thoroughfares in the city = Not so stylish.

Instant semi-inconspicuous U-turn recovery = Full recovery of any previously lost style points.

Being pulled over by officers of the law immediately afterwards = Instant loss of any previously recovered style points.

Drink driving in an unlicensed vehicle with no proof of license = One year maximum penalty.

Instantly re-learning of 23 years of discarded good manners training on the spot and applying them to afformentioned officers of the law = Get out of Jail free card.

Blogging about it once you get home = Priceless.

It's war (handsomeness war)

First of all, i'd like to say that while i completely condone homosexuality and the various activities and pursuits that lie within such genetic inheritances/lifestyle choices/sexual orientations, i'm not gay and i don't intend on becoming gay as a result of the following post or during any time between my birth and/or death.

With that said, i think that Jay-z is waaaayyy hotter than Jim Jones, and i have the statistics to prove it.

Jim Jones doesn't think so though.

In a recent interview with some magazine, the Dipset ringleader and notorious bigmouth let his ego take the mic and proceeded to make statements like:

"I can model and do the business"

"He’s [Jay-z] not that savvy, not that fly"

and my favourite

"All he has is a gorgeous flow—my momma raised a gorgeous child".

Now, i'm all for arrogance but i'm not down for arrogance that isn't due. And this shit is so not due that it almost does a complete 360 and becomes due again. You can't just hang out with Dame Dash for a couple of years, release one catchy radio hit and a mediocre album and start talking all reckless against the god mc. A little bit of Hip-Hop died when Jim Jones started talking and dressing the way he does so i'm going to set the story straight with my newly invented and completely copyrighted 'Tyson Beckford meter of Rapper Hotness'. It basically uses Tyson Beckford as the prime example of how someone in the model industry should look, and how Jim Jones and Jay-z compare when pitted against such perfection. Once more, I'm not gay.

And there you have it, the most unbiased and totally relevant comparison of Jay-z and Jim Jones that you will ever see. I think my method is best suited to two males working in the same industry when one thinks that he his hotter than the other. Feel free to use it, but be careful, it's disturbingly accurate. Now excuse me while i go and cut some trees down.

Ultra post mega.

Music: New Jay-z song from the soundtrack to that Biggie film that's coming out soon. Kanye made the beat, fresh off the cuddle-fest that was '808's and Heartbreak'.

Newsflash: Venice has always been flooded. Check out Grandma on the left, it's cute that she thinks spraying water at the flood will make it run away like the dogs that try and steal her sausages.

Current Events: The sky was freaking everybody out last night, now i have something to talk about during those awkward moments when i bump into someone that i haven't seen for ten years and they end up catching me for one of those "so, whaddya been up to?" conversations.

Entertainment/Fashion: I checked hypebeast for my daily dose of comedy this morning and came across something not so humorous. Apparently the photo on the left won an award for adhering to the following guidelines:

"Learn from the wisdom accumulated by our predecessors all over the world, find good points in such long-established merchandise, and convert them into a design that fits our modern life. We expect to see our “yes, of course” products that are also great in the modern age".

So basically, take a picture of something boring and shit, and make it look awesome.

My photo (right) was taken about six months ago and is the definition of this technique. The problem i have here is that my photo has clearly been copied, photoshopped and entered into the competion as the entry you see on the left. I don't know what a Muji award is, but you could imagine my disgust when i found out that i should definately have one.

Disclaimer: Apologies for the forced post, i'll throw some youtube clips in the next one.

The Good Old Days pt 2.