Sunday, February 7, 2010

Tender moments.

It's a known fact that if you ever plan anything, your mind sends invisible shockwaves through the time/space continuum and immediately alters your future to the opposite effect of your initial idea. Much like the time travel bible, Back to the Future, if you try and manipulate a present that doesn't exist yet you're guaranteed to get your shit ruined in the future for messing with something that seems pretty content on running at it's own pace. Take a look at where planning got Johnny during his weekend.

Friday night: "Fuck yeah. I'm going to drink 80 beers tonight, go to the club and take home a female will proceed to willingly have sex with me without the application of money or begging. She will then leave before i wake up tomorrow morning and message me later that night when i'm back in my comfort zone."

Big mistake Johnny. Now that you've sent those shockwaves out your night isn't quite going to pan out as you'd planned.

Saturday morning: "Wow, i really should have made some dinner before i drank all that beer. Probably should've gone home and changed the shirt that i vomited on while i was in the taxi as a result of all the beer i drunk, then i might've woken up with that girl i like instead of two of my best friends (who are both dudes and also covered in vomit).

The best times are the ones that aren't planned. Everybody loves ninjas because they rely on the element of surprise and are completely unpredictable and undeniably precise at the same time. Spontaneity is like chilli sauce, you're not sure where it's going to take you, but you know you'll be satisfied later on in one way or another. It was this age-old axiom that saw me unexpectedly partaking in the best concert i've ever been to during the weekend just passed. Aside from not being pre-meditated, this throwdown made all other attempts at festivals look like attempts for a wide range of reasons, which also weren't planned.

1. It was free.
Before i turned 24, i was blind to the unadulterated pointlessness of spending upwards of $150 to go to an un-furnished block of land, wait in a bunch of lines and have my ears blown out by poorly engineered speakers and free spirits dripping in sweat, bourbon and urine. Leaving a venue with a full wallet is only bettered by leaving with a venue with two full wallets.

2. I was drinking for the event's entirety and it cost me $12.
Of all the concerts i've been to, my favourite type would have to be the ones that have a single alcohol stand in a really convenient position at the back of the venue. Nothing gets me more excited about being outdoors than waiting in a line full of paralytic assholes for 3 hours to be met with another less paralytic but more deaf asshole who can only give me two light beers if i pay the equivalent of a carton of full strength beers and submit a piece of my soul upon exit. I definitely don't hate it and never wish bad things on everyone there.

3. I got to climb up and sit in a tree without feeling like one of those assholes that tries to climb a tree to recapture his youth.
I never see climbable trees anymore. Maybe as i've aged my eye for sturdy branches and level up potential has faded, or maybe i just don't care anymore. Regardless, i can't describe the convenience that the tree i climbed yesterday provided. The branch that myself and the tree climbing collective were perched on was not only extremely comfortable, perhaps even moreso than the ground we were previously seated on, but it also gave us a perfect view of the peasants on ground level and just enough distance for us to pass judgement on them without being heard.

4. At any given moment, there was about 13-15 attendees max, perfect weather and a that whole sunlight through the green canopy thing going on.
It's pretty simple really. Because there was less than 50, 000 people there, the odds of me encountering any assholes was cut considerably and i made two successful toilet breaks within record time. There was also no wind. This was especially convenient because wind ruins everything, including windsurfing, which will never look stylish.

5. There was no bad music.
For some reason, people like to cry about potential clashes of artists during their concert exploits. I didn't have to worry about this because while there were multiple DJ's present, they all got along and shared the equipment provided. There was no one running around stressing like "OMG if i go and see DJ fuckshit now then i'm going to miss MC Buttface and his totally irrelevant lyrics that i can totally relate to!" The only clashes i've ever dealt with are calendar clashes. If i'm at point A when music festival B is proceeding, i will be this many kilometres away from it, with my satisfaction determined by how many kills i get on whichever game i choose to play.

All in all, it was one of the better Sundays in recent memory. I chilled so hard that i almost reverse stressed myself out and no-one annoyed me. Here are some photos.
Not a punter in sight.

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