Monday, February 8, 2010

Parting is such sweet sorrow.

It's a sad day for styrofoam cup manufacturers and rap bloggers alike. Forever the trend-setter, Lil Wayne took advantage of current technology this evening and live blogged his final hours before a 10 month reputation building holiday at the well-known Riker's Island resort. It was an emotional and heart-warming address, hosted by Weezy's protege 'Lil Twist', as Wayne touched on important issues like Lil Twist's sex life, the lack of women in the studio and his hair. Almost as entertaining was the live commentary box on the side which allowed Weezy's semi-literate, completely delusional legion of fans spew all sorts of entertaining rhetoric that had me looking left and right throughout the entire video.

Wayne will be sadly missed in particular by myself as it's another month or so before his next mixtape drops and i'm running low on rap metaphors to apply to daily life and females in particular. In between wiping the tears from my eyes and blowing my nose, I took the liberty of copy and pasting a large portion of the broadcast to tide myself over until he is released.

"We at 20,000 baby, we at 20,000".

"If you out there lil baby, hey lil baby".

"Shout out to the girl in the club the other night with my name in her mouth.....i forgot her name".

"Shout out to the other white girls, gotta be specific in this world".

"This is the last time you gon' see me for a long time. This is history actually".

"This lil wayne featuring my hair".

"I'm really feelin' my hair".

"Sheena say, when i do my hair like this, i look like Sha-nay-nay. It's not a good thing to look like".

"Look at my shit sticking to one side like Milli Vanilli though."

This is Lil' Twist, he was pretty cool for the most part and was wearing a 'Matix' hat. Matix is a popular skateboarding brand, which i'm sure is more a tribute to Terry Kennedy's brand of skate-rapping than say, Alex Olson's brand of actual skateboarding. Not sure why i picked Alex Olson, he's probably the whitest actual skateboarder i can think of right now.

Wayne knows fuck all about computers, but he managed to find the camera to give his viewers a glimpse of that shiny, $100,000 smile we've become accustomed to.

I think he was reading the comments here. He's probably amazed that his computer-savvy fanbase are able to even create an AIM account with all the horrendous spelling mistakes and abbreviations they were advertising to him and the other 20,000 people watching the live feed.

'Soldrboyy' here actually believes that crashing a car and possibly dying will do his career more justice than going to jail. What else do you expect from someone that spells 'boy' with two y's?
Parker felt it necessary to comment on the lack of females in the video. Video vixens don't normally appear in pre-jail blog announcements but what's more amusing is the lack of females in Parker's profile picture. I found this pretty amusing. CAPS LOCK ALWAYS LOOKS FUNNY BECAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE THE PERSON IS SCREAMING AND LAUGHING AND HAVING A GREAT TIME AT THEIR COMPUTER.No you don't. You don't even have a face or clothes on.Of course it's residing. What else does hair do? Recede, perhaps?No comment. Your name is juicy.You have to give it to this guy. He's currently under the impression that Lil Twist is going to see the comment and be all "holy shit, Wayne come look at this guy! I think he's for real, let's get him in the studio even though you're about to go to jail for a year!"
Fat Joe made an appearance to promote his music and also hug Lil Wayne twice. Fat Joe looks like a really nice guy in real life.

Only Lil Wayne can get away with departing for jail in a fucking Bugatti. This freeze frame alone pretty much justifies my love for the Cash Money paper machine.



steve said...

Some do. This one can spell too.

Jimmy Hats said...

Beautiful wrap up.

Gracie. said...

BEST.EVER. blog post on weezy jailing! so many lol's!

however the sentencing just got adjourned til March 2nd. WIN!

Me said...

Thanks Gracie. I just read that it was due to a damaged tooth and the judge gave him a week extension over the jury.
I guess when you eat microphones on a regular basis there's bound to be some cuspid casualties.

N. said...

Waka Flocka Flame O Lets Do It thing that weezy did(recently?) rikey dat track.

Fat Joe da Fat Gangsta fell the fuck off a long time ago. Probably about the same time Q-Tip fell thw fuck off. Musically, it was pretty much all downhill after his first record. Still, he a fat gangsta.

Thanks for the story, its like my life won't change...jail and death for all my heroes.

Fat Nate da Fat Gangsta

Me said...

Man, thank god you mentioned Wacka. I was going to do a post about how much i secretly love him and OJ da Juiceman's 'special' brand of rap.

There's a Fat Joe and Jeezy track that dropped recently called 'Ha-Ha'. The beat is pretty big and Joey Crack actually fares pretty well on it.

N. said...

ha - Waka is the man.

Seen this "clip" - O Lets Do It bein played at a club somewhere (Atalanta I guess):

I'll give that Fat Slow / Weezy track a listen, thanks for the tip.