Monday, July 16, 2012

The Shire sucked? NO WAY!

The Shire is Channel 10's latest reality television show about a group of people who who can walk upright and speak at the same time without the aid of a functioning central nervous system. I didn't watch the first episode but from what I've gathered from the trailers it appears to be a part of a new reality sub-genre called 'dramality' or 'network suicide'. The plot essentially involves these brainless battlers taking on all sorts of every day tasks and interacting with eachother as best they can along the way.

Throughout the series we'll get to watch these characters:

- Existing.
- Reading from scripts and then forgetting to remember that they'd read the scripts.
- Stealing my oxygen.
- Saying things like "I like looking fake" and the soon to be repeated catchphrase "you guys are the best".

Like every other reality television show about a group of like-minded shit-kickers, The Shire will quickly take it's place amongst the other stink lines that hover ominously above the perpetually expanding and completely self-sustaining turd that is Australian reality television. The only difference between The Shire and previous attempts at the general public's patience is that The Shire sucked way harder and way quicker than expected, even by it's critics. In fact, it sucked more than Dating in the Dark and The Farmer wants a Wife combined. It sucks so bad that it sucks it's way out of our known atmosphere to enter it's own unique plane of existence, known only as the 'Suckosphere'.

But what else should we expect when the show's production team set out to replicate an American reality series that for all purpose and intent, is a vacuous, infinite and immeasurable black hole of the purest, most highly concentrated suck ever recorded, Jersey Shore. The suck by which all other sucks are measured by and judged upon. Perhaps Channel 10 thought we were ready for it, perhaps they thought we'd been desensitized by all the other suck on television that we'd become less susceptible to their potent new brand of it. And don't get me wrong, it looks like it really sucked, but on television even something that really sucks can still be unwatchable. One needn't look further than the turd tsunami of online backlash to see that it sucked across the board:

"You know what's awkward... Making a tv show only to have the whole country hate it."

"My partner and I watched this show. Not long after we placed forks on the heater and stabbed each other in the eyes"

"I wake up every morning wanting to kill myself"

And my personal favourite: "THE SHITE".  

Remember that time Channel 10 forced everyone to watch a really sucky, scripted reality t.v. show that not only sucks in an ironic and self-depreciating sense but also sucks fundamentally as well


Congratulations Channel 10, you've once again put your fingers inside millions of viewers and made them really mad. I hope someone got a pink slip for this.

1 comment:

Matthew Peter said...

Absolute shit.
If channel ten can't see that they have failed just by reading the Facebook and twitter feeds, and there's something seriously wrong.
Axe this show before we loose more brain cells.